An Open Love Letter to My Querying Friends

The last couple of weeks have been so exciting for so many of my sweet friends. Lots of folks out there are getting agented, and to you I say HUZZAH! But this post is not for you, this post is written for my friends in the trenches. This isn't advice. This isn't the Top Ten Things You Must Do To Get The Agent Of Your Dreams. This is me telling you how much I love you.

Allow me to preface this with one more thing: I am the critique partner of your nightmares. I'm not cuddly and undeservingly gushy. I am a hardass. Seriously, ask my critique partners. I am a realist. So I write this letter because my heart is soft for those of you who have done the research, done the work, and put yourself out there and still hear the word no. This letter is not for the querying writer who addresses their letter with "Dear Agent" or calls themselves the next J.K. Rowling.

To My Querying Friends:

I fucking love you. I love you so hard. I love you so hard because you're still going. And going is not easy. Going is really freaking heartbreaking. Going is an emotional roller coaster. Going is even harder when things are happening for everyone around you. It's hard because you want so badly to be happy for all you're uber talented friends, but that little voice inside still asks, "When will it be my turn?" Every agent success story is a happy dance on the outside, but a little more salt on the open wound that lives on the inside.

I'm talking to those of you who live for the betterment of your story, ask all the right questions during #askagent, don't write for trends, workshop the shit out of your query before even letting it get within ten feet of an agents inbox, and all those other good things that will someday make you an exemplary client. Because you are doing this right. And because you are doing this right, IT (the big elusive IT) will happen for you. It may not be this book, and it may not be the next, but someday THE agent will find THE book and that book will be YOUR book.

I once wrote a blog about how rejection is personal, so I felt like "don't take it personal" was total bullshit.  And I still do. But when an agent tells you this is a subjective business and that their rejection may be another persons offer, they are telling you the truth. It really is all subjective, and you. my querying friends, may not be getting rejected for personal reasons, but you still take it personal. Because all of this IS personal. Your writing is personal. It's not a phase and it's not a fair weather days thing. It's personal. It's something that lives inside of you that you're brave enough to not only put on paper, but also show people who have the power to say no to you. You write because you have to. If this was just for fun, then you wouldn't be where you are right now. Because where you are right now, in the slushpile, isn't really all that fun. And because of all that you are my hero. If I could add up all your rejections and shower them across the writing world so that we all carried one another's rejections, I would. 

So that's my big cheesy love letter to you. That's my silly bit of sentiment that in no way changes anything, but I hope it makes you smile.

Love,
Julie

My Agent Story. The Directors Cut. Part un of deux.

Part I: Inclining Roller Coaster-- The Creaking, Wooden Variety. 

The Hated Prologue
 
If you're reading this you're here for the long version of the story. I went back and forth on posting this because it all felt so me-me-me-me-self-centered. And I'm really bad at talking about myself. But, as my lovely critique partner, Valerie, pointed out, this is my blog. Plus, I loved reading these stories when I was querying, so I hope you'll feel the same. Yeah, if you follow this blog or follow me on Twitter then you already know how lucky I am to call the fantastic Miss Molly Jaffa (Folio Literary Management) my agent. And if you didn't know that, then-- SURPRISE! Anyway, if you're really curious or really creepy (yay, creepy!!!) here's a breakdown of how it all went down.

*I plan on doing a blog post about what I did differently from MS1 to MS2, so this post will just focus on the querying process for my second manuscript. That being said, I received 50+ rejections on my first manuscript-- many of those from agents whom I received offers from (including Molly! If you're reading, Hi Mojo Molly 1 of 2!). So, I get rejection you guys. I really do.

WARNING: As with all my blog posts, poor grammar ahead... and foul language, too. For one of those things, I am sorry.

Chapter One: The Query Shuffle

I started dipping my toes in the query pool sometime around the first week of February. I wasn't 100% sure of my manuscript, but at the same time I was at this point where I didn't feel I could take my MS any further on my own. And, too, I was scared of over-editing and losing my voice. So, know when to query. But, above all, don't query too soon. Because I've done that before, and it's bad news bears.

So, I received a handful of requests and a couple rejections, too. Things started to feel like they might be getting serious, so I decided to examine my list of agents to see who I had yet to query. I didn't want to leave any stone unturned. On that list of un-queried agents was Molly. And, full disclosure, I almost didn't query her. Mainly, because, even after putting one manuscript to bed, I was still terrified of rejection. And, well, from what I'd seen on Query Tracker and on different forums Molly seemed to be really selective and I had always admired her and I didn't want to have to highlight her name in red on my nifty query spreadsheet. In fact, I couldn't ever really remember seeing any recent requests from her. And if I got rejection from Molly with this MS, well then that was it. So, I figured why bother? I didn't see the point in adding another rejection to my stats (which is really freaking stupid). But, then I started chatting up my critique partner and another good friend, and we came to this conclusion: WHY THE HELL NOT? I had already done all the leg work, all the internet stalking, (ya know, the dissecting of every word of every interview you can find), and had already trolled her bio page on the Folio website. (Read: hit F5 68,000 times to see if her bio had updated for whatever reason. Creepy, I know.)

Okay, anyway, on Monday (2/20) at like 1 in the morning, I grew a pair and queried Molly.

Chapter Two: Wear Your Best, Because You Got a Fucking Request

That chapter title made no sense. Roll with it you guys.

I woke up a few hours later, after sending my query, and pretended like it didn't happen so I could just function like a normal human being at work. Then, later that afternoon I pulled out my phone and that goddamn light was blinking. EMAIL. EMAIL. EMAIL. I took a deep breath and told myself it would just be a stupid email from Sephora or something. But then I opened my email and it wasn't from Sephora or Petsmart or Amazon or any of those things you should really unsubscribe to before querying because every time that light blinks you go into cardiac arrest. It was most definitely a reply from Molly, and in less than 24 hours. Molly replied using my first name and to my querying friends you know what this means. It usually means good news or at least a semi-personalized rejection. But it wasn't a rejection, it was a full request, saying she was "captivated". Well Holy Pangea, y'all.

So I got home from work that night and sent that bad boy off. All the while, I was participating in Cupid's Blind Speed Dating contest, Miss Snark's First Victim's Secret Agent Contest, and Operation Awesome's Secret Agent Contest, which was B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Molly sent me a lovely confirmation email upon receipt of my manuscript. She said it would be a couple weeks. So, I prepared myself for a long wait.

Footnote: Let me go slightly off topic for just a minute and say, Molly was so lovely in her emails. A lot of times when I've received requests, in the past, I've had this feeling like the agent was doing me a huge favor just by thinking about maybe looking at my manuscript. Now, agents are obscenely busy people, OBSCENELY, and I don't expect for them to fawn over me-- not in the least, but Molly genuinely made me feel like reading my manuscript was a priority for her and she expressed real interest.

Chapter Three: You've Got Mail

Okay so back to the waiting. Alright, sent off my full on Monday (2/20).
Tuesday.
Wednesday.
Thursday. By Thursday 2/23, I had received a few more requests since Monday (and if I recall, some contest results had begun to trickle in which I received requests on as well). And around 5pm, I was headed to an author event in North Dallas with some friends. (Breathless Reads Tour!!!) We were stuck in this horrible bumper-to-bumper traffic and thankfully I wasn't driving because my phone effing beeped. It was Molly. She couldn't put down my manuscript and she would "love, love, love" to talk to me about it.

OMG. You guys, I tried to get out of the car because I was so freaked out. Bumper-to-bumper traffic on the freeway.

I screamed. I couldn't even talk. I had to show my friends the email because I could barely breathe. Then I called my Ian. Then I called my mom nineteen times before` she picked up, and when I told her she SQEEEEE'ed big time too. I went to the author event and proceeded to live on Cloud 9 for a couple hours, but then I started to think "Okay, what if she just wants to talk R&R?" (*non-writer friends R&R=Revise & Resubmit) Which, by the way, would not have been bad news. Just a different kind of news.

So, we arranged a phone call for Monday morning-- exactly a week from the day I had sent my initial query.

That weekend was hell. I was so nervous I thought I might swallow my tongue at any moment. Then Monday came, and I woke up at some hideous hour because I was too excited to sleep. I kept telling myself not to make any inappropriate jokes... because 9 out of 10 things I say are usually inappropriate... or not to ask any intrusive questions... because if I ever want to know something I just ask, whether or not I should.

Chapter Three:  People Still Talk on the Phone?


If you're still reading this, you're a freaking champ. Seriously, go get yourself a wine cooler.


It should be said, that I am horrible at talking on the phone. HORRIBLE. So, for this phone call, I was especially petrified.


Monday morning came and Molly called right on time. I had done my homework and made a list of questions I would ask, should she offer. I had also stood in front of a mirror for hours trying to talk about myself and my work, for practice. Unfortunately, I am not kidding.


We talked. We normal talked. We book talked. We food talked. We Texas talked. And we career talked. Molly answered all my questions, without me ever really having to ask anything at all. We talked about my book and about me as a writer.

Molly talked about me and my work in words I never knew I always wanted to hear. I had never put much thought into what I wanted people to say about my writing, but when she talked, I had to stop myself from screaming, "YES THAT!!!" She used words that I had only ever used to describe my favorite authors and their books. And this is important you guys, because when it comes down to it, whichever agent you end up with is your advocate. And how they talk about you and your books matter.

Then she said, the magic Candy Land words, "You can consider this my formal offer of representation." Or something like that, I really don't know. I was in shock and my heart kinda like fell into my butt.
That's it for Part I! I'll have Part II up in the coming days! I'll be talking about the fourteen requests, along with some unanswered queries, I still had out when Molly offered, and what I though my "dream agent" was!

Feel free to leave a comment in the good old box! (Don't make me beg!) Questions, non-questions, links to cat videos-- whatever! *Cat videos preferred, obviously.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway for THE LIST by Siobhan Vivian! It's my first giveaway, so if you don't enter I'll be heart broken and I'll probably never get on the internet again. 

Is this real life?

Alright you guys, I've got really INCREDIBLE news and I have an awesome 58 page-long blog planned out to tell you all the gritty details, but for now here's the short version:
I have a literary agent!!!
Her name is Molly Jaffa and she's with Folio Lit  in NYC y'all. No joke.
In all I had seven offers, and Molly's was the first I received and we clicked-- like old friends. We had some fantastic conversation about my manuscript, writing, reading, and food.
So, since I'm doing a huge long post about this whole process sometime in the near future, I'll keep it short! But, before I go--
                                     
FIVE FACTS ABOUT MOLLY! (picture yanked from the Folio website)
1. She likes fried chicken... because, who doesn't?
2. She's originally from Texas. BONUS POINTS!
3. She owns red lipstick. ps- How adorable is she?
4. She's on Twitter and you MUST follow her!
5. She's my dream agent.


Y'all I am beyond excited for this next chapter in my life. Beyond, Beyond! Stay tuned because, there is so much more to come!
-J 

You are here.

First off, saw this image online ages ago and I can't find the artist, so I'd love to give said artist credit. Hello? Artist?

Well it's been a bit since I've done a legit writing post. So this is me officially updating.
So November I cranked out my second novel. And here's the thing about writing a second novel, it's full of self-doubt. Things like, what if I can't do this again? Was that whole book thing a one-trick pony? And, what if my second attempt is even worse than my first attempt?
But here's the thing about writing, and basically every other fucking thing, THE MORE YOU DO IT, THE BETTER YOU GET. So yeah, this second go at writing and editing a full manuscript went pretty stinking good. I don't outline, there's no use fibbing about that. But this time, I had a sort of road map of how the experience itself ought to feel. An idea of what I should expect of myself. And not only that, but I had a more a solid understanding of what works and what doesn't. But really, what really changed is this: I swallowed my fears and wrote, even when I thought it would never work, I wrote it anyways. So yeah, back to November. I wrote my first draft in a little over three weeks.
 I took most of December off, because truthfully I was still licking my wounds. I had received two rejections on requested material and I had one last full request I was waiting to hear back on, and that rejection... that rejection came on Christmas Eve night. Literally you guys, I was pulling cupcakes out of the oven, my cell chirped, I fished it out of my apron pocket, and found a form rejection on my full manuscript in my inbox. (Sidenote: I understand the necessity of form rejections, but it doesn't make it any easier to handle.) So yeah I slammed the oven shut, and said eff it. And that was when I decided I to put away HOMESICK FOR GOODBYE. Maybe not forever, but for now. I had considered the possibility that this time would come, but now it had. And it sucked even more than I expected it to. In the end, I closed out my first manuscript at fifty-three rejections.
You wanna know what I did? I enjoyed my holidays and read some good books.  And I most definitely did not edit.
So, fast forward to January 1st. I cracked my laptop open and began to scour the internet for critique partners. Because there was one thing I knew. If I was going to make a second go at this whole writing thing, I would need some serious critique partners. Thanks to the incredible online writing community I was able to meet some really nice people I connected with. And one or two who I could not have done this with out. (SHOUTOUT: Valerie Cole!!!!) I spent the entire month of January editing the shit out of my second manuscript (which is currently titled THE SYMPTOMS OF OUR SHADOWS).
Come the first week of February, I started querying. I expected to just test out the waters, get a couple rejections, see if I could get any reactions. But then, I wasn't really getting a whole lot of rejections and I started getting a whole lot of reactions. So I'm still in the midst of it all, and I think I'm going to keep my stats privy for right now. But let me just say, things are going really well.
Really, really well.
Maybe I'll have good news for you all soon, and maybe I won't. But even if I don't this has been a ride I will never forget. That's all for me today you guys.
And don't forget to leave me some creepy comments.
But in the meantime, I AM HERE. And here is pretty freaking awesome.

-j

NO: In Which My Heart Is Torn Apart & Stitched Back Together With Brightly Colored Yarn

Writing is awesome. It is. Even the not awesome parts are awesome.
What's not awesome is the word NO. No is a favorite word of both toddlers and agents, although the two are not one in the same. The truth is in the world of literary representation (and really all of the publishing world), NO is a necessary evil. The problem with NO is that it's often just that, a two letter word without explanation. The other problem with NO, is when people say it to me (womp, womp). <----- That was a funny. Did you catch my funny?
About two weeks ago, I received my first rejection on my full manuscript. <---- BAM It was from an agent, I kinda sorta really loved. <---- POW Said agent had also read my first 50 pages, prior to requesting my full manuscript. <----- KABAMPOW

*Sidenote: Sometimes an agent requests just your query letter up front, sometimes they ask that you also send along a sample of your book. This sample can range anywhere from 5-50 pages. When an agent requests your manuscript simply based off your letter, sending your manuscript kind of feels like a crap shoot (a really AWESOME crap shoot). But when an agent requests your manuscript after having read a sample of your manuscript, they have already in some way connected with your work.

Anyways, when I got that rejection I did three things (in this exact order):
1. I said (out loud and to myself): "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
2. I cried. Yeah, I'm a baby but at least I can admit it.
3. I got really really quiet. I didn't want to talk about. I didn't want to think about it. I thought that maybe if I didn't think about it or talk about it, my rejection (ouch, still hurts) would cease to exist. But unfortunately that wasn't the case.
Despite all that SUCKAGE, there was some good... sort of. Let's call the agent.... AGENTAWESOME, because despite it all I still think they're amazing.
- AGENTAWESOME sent me a personalized rejection letter just eight days after requesting my manuscript, which makes AGENTAWESOME that much more awesome. Example: I was in a forum the other day and someone said that X agent had had their partial manuscript (not their full) for FOUR MONTHS without a peep. If an agent had my manuscript for that long I would become impossible to live with.
- AGENTAWESOME complimented me saying she loved ________, ________, and __________ but ultimately had to pass because of ___________. To receive specific feedback like that from an agent (and one with a good reputation) is invaluable. INVALUABLE people.
ahhhhh Alas, I move onward.
So that's what's been festering inside of me and there! Now I have it off my chest and I'll keep on trucking along. While it would have been amazing for that first agent to be the one, it's okay (or so I keep telling myself :)) because now I've got this battle scar.
As always guys cross your fingers, cross your toes, cross your arms, cross your.... you get the point. LOVE YOU ALL EVERYDAY. Leave a comment! Comments are the jet fuel to my dreams (cheesy for the win)!
-j

ps- Every time I think "poor little ole me and my shit dream" I read this amazing post by Beth Revis and my insides turn to mush and my eyes tear up (just a tad) and my day gets a little bit better.

yall. 50KNOVEMBER. YALL.

Did you know this has been the craziest month ever?

so NaNoWriMo. I did it. I wrote a 50,000 word novel in twenty-four days. I think I might have internal bleeding going on in my brain, but that's okay. I hit my word count buuuuuuut my story isn't finished. My estimate is that it will take me about 7,000-10,000 words to finish, not to mention the random pages that say INSERT _______ SCENE. But when all that is said and done I will have finished my second novel, which means I will have written two novels in five months (as long as I finish before 2012 :0)). 

Nano wasn't easy. Actually it was tough as fucking nails.

This is how I survived:

1. You see what you don't know is this: I'm lucky. I have great friends. I Have a small little handful of great friends who read as I write. They read the messy unedited gunk I write and they say YAY or NAY. They keep me on track, because sometimes I am way, WAY, off track.

2. I am in love with this manuscript. I mean it's not going to cure cancer or anything (which, by the way would be awesome), but I fell in love with my characters. I had to know more about them and the only way I could do that was to write about them. Here's the funny thing, I've had like four or five premises on the back burner. For most of them I've written the first ten to twenty pages for each idea, just something to play with. BUT THEN this little "what if?" scenario hit me and HAD to write it. It was festering. This scenario grew characters, who grew feelings and lives, and then it just blew up. Which made the whole nano thing a hell of a lot simpler. Really it all went way too quickly to even think about getting stuck in the mud.

3. My husband is awesome and doesn't whine when I'm up until 4 in the morning writing.

4. As things come to me I jot them down. I've got post-its all over my car. That being said I cannot sit down and do a couple hundred words. I don't roll like that. I write in what I call "bursts." At the very least I have to finish a chapter. But  just to give you an idea of word count I usually range anywhere from 2k-8k(big number span I know) in one sitting. This probably sounds a little crazy, but if I do little writing sprints of a couple hundred words my writing comes out disjointed and splotchy. So when I write I have to commit myself to it for a couple hours and just bust some wordage out. Why this is awesome: If I write a couple thousand words a sitting, then I only have to do X amount of writing sessions.

If you haven't noticed yet, I like stats. I do.

Final NaNoWriMo count was 50,133.

I finished in 24 days which means my daily average was 2,088. HOWEVER there were at least nine full days I didn't do any writing.
Those were the boring stats here are the fun ones.

SAY MY NAME (yes, that was a Destiny's Child reference)
Alice: 366
Harvey: 342
Bernie: 132
Martin: 51
Natalie: 113
Deborah: 53
Denis: 44
Mindi: 10
Misti: 4
Eric: 63
Luke: 35
Tyson: 18
Glen: 15
JUICY WORDS
Love: 122
Hate: 35
Shit: 20
Fuck: 15
Bitch: 11
Ass: 43
Damn: 7
She: 654
He: 728
EFFING GRAMMAR:
": 2,087
.: 3,996
,: 1,559
!: 55
?: 327
And in case you were wondering my current-unofficial-probably-won't-make-the-cut-working-title is LOVE AND OTHER FALLACIES.
So blah blah NaNoWriMo is over... until next year.
Okay so I'm still querying agents for HOMESICK FOR GOODBYE.
Sometime around the end of October I got tired of getting rejection letters. I hadn't hit ten rejections, but I was close. Someday I'm going to write a blog about my rejection letters and it's going to blow your socks off, but not today.
Today I'm going to tell you about how I rewrote my query letter and it started WORKING. (Someday I'll post a little diddy about query letters too, I promise).
So without further ado HERE ARE MY QUERY STATS.
Total queries sent: 27 (eeeeeek)
I haven't currently heard from 15 agents, which means I still have 12 queries floating around the internet world.
Out of those 15 responses, this is what I've got.
Rejections: 12
Submission Requests: 3
First let me say this, submissions are cool. Okay they're awesome. But still my chances are slim. But that having been said....
OMG YALL. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.
Okay. 
Because good news is always better than bad news let's break down my 3 requests.

My first request came on my birthday (11/8). How cool is that? BADASSCOOL.
The agent had only read my query letter and based on that, she requested my full manuscript.

The second request came on 11/22. This agent had also only read my query letter. She then made a partial request for my first fifty pages!

The third (and sweetest) request came Monday morning of this week (11/28). This agent has already read the first fifty pages of my novel, because her query procedures require that you send your first fifty pages right off the bat. Anyways I received an email saying she had "quite liked" what she had read thus far and would like to see the rest of the manuscript. So there ya go!

I'm not getting too excited because really it is more likely that my 3 submission requests will lead to 3 rejections rather than 3 offers, but at the same time I'm trying to enjoy this. Because this is surreal. I never in my life thought I would ever make it this far so everything after this is just a bonus really.

Sooooo my rejection/submission ratio is 4 to 1. BUUUUUT because my glass feels half full, let's just say I received 9 rejections with my old query letter. That means I've received 3 rejections with my new query letter, giving me a solid 3 to 3 ratio. (But don't forget those 12 queries still floating around in query land!)
Aaaaaaand I'm done talking about numbers until 2018.
If you think good thoughts, think good thoughts for me. If you pray, pray for me. If you do rain (read as "Julie wants an agent") dances, do a rain dance for me.

Alright so because you're all so sweet and adorable and cuddly here's a cupcake. (I'M 26 NOW :o) My awesome NOVEMBER was literally TWENTY-SIX years in the making. )

Leave me a comment, tell me you have a crush on me. I'll write you creepy love letters.

Love all you boogers and ghouls!

 -j

NaNoWriMo: Where Only the Strong Survive

Hey yall! October has been a crazy month! The month started off with Austin Teen Book Festival which was AWESOME. I got a gazillion books signed for me and my library. I just got back from a trip back home to Connecticut with brief stops off in Rhode Island and Massachusetts. New York was in the travel plans too, but so much to do and lots of family to see! So we decided to put off that leg off our trip until next time! So I've had a nice little writing hiatus and I am ready to get my ass in gear.
November, November, November. November is National Novel Writing Month or otherwise known as NaNoWriMo. Now, once again, because I have all of like four writer friends let me break this down for yall. NaNo is pretty easy in theory.
1. Sign up.
2. Write 50,000 words in one month.
3. Binge eat or something. Whatever coping mechanism suits your fancy will do.
4. Sleep for the entire month of December.
The idea is to WRITE, it doesn't have to be like Crime and Punishment or anything good at all, it just has to be something.... besides the same word over and over. :o) And hey if it's good, then AWESOME. So if you haven't guessed by now I am braving the writing elements and I have officially signed up for NaNoWriMo. Signing up was pretty exciting, until that OH SHIT moment hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only is November National Novel Writing Month, but it's also my birthday (WOO!), Ian's birthday, our nieces birthday, and Thanksgiving. This equates to a BUSY MONTH. Oh and by the way I work two jobs. I've got four stories that I've kind of got brewing in my head and I have a couple hodge podge of pages that could maybe sort of be the start of something. I have a good idea of which idea I'm going with for NaNoWriMo so keep me in your brain or heart or whatever because November's going to freaking suck in the best way ever.
And lastly, YES, I'm still querying. Kind of. I've sent out 9 query letters and have received 8 rejections/no response means no. There's one last letter floating around in query world and I'm not trying to be down on myself or my work but I'm not really expecting a positive response. Since my most recent post concerning queries, I sorta kinda had a breakdown. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I promise, but when someone rejects something so personally tied to you it feels like they're rejecting you as a person. Everyone keeps telling me not to take it personally, but I say NO TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Because, what it comes down to is that one of the major ingredients to good writing is making it personal and letting a huge horrible chunk of you shine through in your work. So yeah it's personal and it hurts but maybe it will be worth it. Who knows? We'll see.
Moral of the story: November is going to awesome suck and take it personal because it is personal.

J
PS- did you know Halloween is my favorite holiday and I have NO costume? I am so slacking, what are your Halloween plans? And because I love pictures check out these bad boys from East Coast trip!

My only ATBF picture, but that's okay because it's with Ashly!

The Dreary Query; in which I stand in front of the world naked

Note: apologies for the formatting on this blog, HTML had a mind of its own on this one.
Uhhhh ok. So I started querying. So here's the deal 99.9% of my friends are not writers and 80% of them do not share my reading tastes. So here it is for you simple minded people. A query letter is a letter sent to a literary agent in which you request their representation. Should the agent  offer you representation they, in turn, attempt to sell your novel.

Okay so that doesn't sound so bad, right? Hey mister my books super good, will you be my agent?

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It's horrible. Here's the true story: You write this thing and it's pages
and pages and pages of words that have been festering in your belly. You have horrible moments where the computer screen looks like a freaking brick wall and if you have beautiful aha! moments where the world feels right and perfect. All of these painfully beautifully moments comprise the writing process, or at least they do for me. Anyway you go through this intensive labor of writing and you finish and you want the world to read your book.

So, what do you have to do? You have to find an agent... and that's only the beginning. This agent wants you to explain your characters, plots, and the sheer essence of your book in just a paragraph. Then they want to hear a little bit about you, but only a little, and really only what's relevant to you as a writer... what qualifies you to write this book, that's what they want to know. Then they want you to tell them a little bit about why you chose them? That doesn't sound bad right? Wrong, sit down and google someone. Anyone. Then write that person an email telling them why they're qualified to do what they do and what attracts you to them.
It's really fucking hard you guys. Querying is not for the faint hearted or the weak minded. AHHHHH. so that's where I am right now. Oh and by the way... some agents have ridiculous wait times, like months. And even after that some of them never respond, because for some agent no response = no. But there are those few who respond in days.
Here's another kicker, some of those agents who respond just send you a form letter that starts out "Dear Author: blah, blah, blah." Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the finality of that form rejection letter, but man it sucks to be a nameless face. By the way when I sent out my first letter, I threw up. Not like blowing chunks throw up, think more over excited senior citizen cat throw up.

Yeah.

Querying is like when you're a little kid and an older sibling/cousin/random stranger grabs your hand and hits you in the face with your own hand while saying "Stop hitting yourself" OVER AND OVER again. That basically sums it up.

So anyways, because you're all joysucking vampires, you're really just hear to know my stats thus far. I started querying last week and this is what I've got:

Queries Sent: 6

Rejections: 3

Queries still in outerspace: 3

Now because I'm a master statician, I'm going to break down my rejections for you (while keeping the agents anonymous).

Note: After I had sent out three letters, I had an epiphany and COMPLETELY rewrote/reorganized my first chapter, and I got really positive feed back from some select test readers so I decided to go balls out and send it my last three agents.

Rejection #1: I received a form response from a BIG BIG BIG agency whose clients are pretty commercial and not so literary and/or edgy. Now because they represent such commercial friendly clients, they are easily accessible and receive major query traffic. Plus they promise a response within two weeks, which I have to admit was the deciding factor when I sent in my query. So I wasn't disappointed or discouraged by they rejection because they weren't my top pick or close to my top pick but you always want someone to want your book, so that's a little rough. But I did send them my old chapter versus the new rewritten version!

Rejection #2: This rejection was a little harder to swallow, because I basically idolize this agents clients. However, this agent comes out of a small boutique agency so if their client list is full, it's full. Regardless, I took my chances. And by the way I received my rejection from this agent on a Saturday morning (which is unusual) AND this agent's policy is no response = no. So albeit a rejection I was encouraged by a personalized reply, especially since I was expecting no reply if she wasn't interested. This agent kept it short and sweet.... but I almost cried because it was positive.... a positive negative if you will! The email simply read: "Hi Julie, It's good but I'm just not looking right now. Good Luck!" You guys I cried, and I'm not a crier AT ALL. I've got some thick skin, but after a week of one rejection and an otherwise empty inbox, those thirteen words rocked me to my core. Not only did I get a personalized response from a no response = no agent, but to me this agent's opinion is as big as Mount Everest.

I haven't sent off to my dream agent I'm holding off for a bit, sort of testing the waters.
Rejection #3: I literally just found out about this rejection like five minutes ago. It was to my first agent (so old first chapter) and their policy is no response = no. But here's the caveat, they keep a blog saying how many queries are in their queu, and they have looked over all of their queries so if you haven't heard yet you're not going to.... which I'm okay with this rejection.

But here's some awesome news! I won a contest! the prize was a query letter critique and a first chapter critique from published author Lisa Desrochers! So I've kind of slowed the query train down a bit until I hear back from her.

So there you go you guys, that's where I'm at.

And by the way my working title is....

Homesick for Goodbye!

And my most amazing critique partner Ashly made me this LOVELY tote using an image created by Kristin, my Yoda reader. oh! and Kristin had a spiral copy of my manuscript made, which basically made me pee my pants. Literally. It was awkward.
That's all for now, leave a comment. I need your affirmations to continue on. I'm serious... ya know how in Peter Pan, Tink dies if people don't believe in her. Well I will die unless you write a comment. Comment = Julie Life Juice. FACT.
-j